


The Secret to a Happy Marriage

by theemdash



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Season/Series 07, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 07:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theemdash/pseuds/theemdash
Summary: When Jack and Daniel are married off-world, Jack assumes it's just another kooky story for SG-1.





	The Secret to a Happy Marriage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anoyo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/gifts).



> Thanks to green_grrl for the beta and to both green_grrl and sopdetly for assisting with brain storming.

The usual 'gate room greeting awaited SG-1 when they arrived at the SGC—a full control room, armed SFs, and the artificial lighting that seemed so much darker than the bright sun of P4R-980. 

"General, another successful jaunt around the galaxy. We made some friends." 

"Some friends" was how Jack had already decided to phrase it for the official report. There were things the General classified, and then there were things SG teams didn't divulge. The events of nine-eighty fell under the latter subheading. Carter, Teal'c, and even Daniel knew the score and how to carefully write their reports. No one needed to know about the ritual the natives had insisted on putting Jack and Daniel through.

"Friends," Daniel scoffed.

"Son?" Hammond, the most caring general Jack had ever served under, turned to Daniel with a worried look on his brow.

"Nothing, sir. I just thought it was interesting how the Colonel buried the lead." 

The Colonel—shit—that was never a good a sign. Before Jack had a chance to deflect anything, Daniel barreled on: "Jack and I got married, sir."

Well, no need to code the reports now.

* * * 

Before the debrief, Hammond pulled the newlyweds into his office for a closed-door conference. Jack could tell he was already regretting the decision. Jack would be too, if he hadn't already gone nose-blind due to the yak musk they'd been dosed in for the ritual. It was supposed to repel other suitors, signifying that he and Daniel were shielded from other advances. The smell was doing a lot to keep most people at a distance. In the closed office, it looked like it was also making Hammond fight the urge to regurgitate.

"I'm not going to ask any questions. But this is an opportunity for you to tell me anything you need to. If you need to." Hammond returned his hand to his face, thumb and forefinger pinching his nose.

"Sir." Jack stepped forward, and then stepped back when Hammond paled. "There was a bit of a misunderstanding when we tried to explain why Daniel and I were arguing." Because of course they were arguing. This time it was about a local legend Daniel wanted to check out in some dangerous terrain. They hadn't brought climbing equipment, so Jack wasn't about to agree to that. It would get flagged for aerial reconnaissance and if the bean counters decided it was worth a survey, it would happen. Later. With Daniel, if he put in for the request and SG-1 didn't need him. 

"They thought they could resolve it," Jack continued, "through, well, a marriage ceremony."

"Because they thought our imbalance was that our camaraderie hadn't been formally recognized." Daniel's arms were tight across his chest as he couched the explanation of how the aliens had misconstrued Carter's joke about them quarrelling like an old married couple. Daniel's explanation that unions between men weren't recognized on Earth had fallen on sympathetic ears, and the kind people of nine-eighty insisted on throwing them a wedding. 

Jack was willing to go along with it as long as Daniel dropped the argument about going into the mountains. It was a win-win as far as Jack was concerned. Well, it was until Daniel sniped in the gate room that he and Jack were technically on their honeymoon.

"And were they satisfied after this ceremony?" 

Good ol' George, entirely sidestepping any issue that might hint at crossing the lines of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

"It was a nice party. They gave us some yak cologne. There was dancing to some lovely music I could easily see making the rounds of the New Age scene."

"It pacified them," Daniel summarized. "And it was interesting—from an anthropological point of view."

Jack noticed they both left out being shut in a yurt overnight with one bed roll and a case of the giggles about rising to the occasion and other such euphemisms that weren't as funny standing in Hammond's office.

"And you're both comfortable with what happened on the planet."

Jack and Daniel looked at each other, mirroring the same confused expressions.

"It's fine?" Jack asked. 

"And not uncommon for other cultures to be more comfortable with same-sex relationships," Daniel added. The clipped, annoyed tone hadn't come back yet, but Jack could sense it on the edge of Daniel's voice. 

"It's not a problem for you that the people on nine-eighty think you're married?"

Jack blinked, trying to process how he should respond, and finally he went with something that felt like honesty. "A marriage ceremony on another planet doesn't mean anything here." From the corner of his eye, Jack caught Daniel's darkening expression. 

"Then I have no problem with what happened on this mission. We'll debrief in an hour."

"An hour? But the rest of the team—"

"Shower," Hammond said, standing up and going to the door. "Both of you." He opened the door and exited ahead of them. It wasn't until the air hit him that Jack realized just how much the yak musk had condensed in the room.

"I guess it's time to hit—" Before Jack had finished his sentence, Daniel was out the other door, looping around Carter and Teal'c and heading to the showers. Jack wasn't entirely sure what he'd done, but, based on the evidence, he had finally figured out he had indeed Done Something.

* * * 

Daniel avoided Jack in the locker room, and then barely looked at him through the briefing. When they checked out of the Mountain, Daniel headed straight to his car without making a casual offer to come over to Jack's or meet up with him later. Unusual, but not unprecedented. It wasn't like they swapped apartments every night and had trouble sleeping if they weren't spooning, but Jack had wanted to spend time with Daniel. More importantly, he wanted to figure out what he'd done wrong so he could start making up for it.

He called Daniel before the turn-off that would take him to Daniel's place instead of his, but the call went to voicemail. Cold. Well, maybe Jack would find out more in the morning. He left a message anyway: 

"Hey," he said, inventing a reason he needed to call. "I forgot to tell you I talked to Hammond about that aerial survey. It's on the schedule for early next week. I asked for the x-ray and density imaging you and Carter mentioned. Hopefully it pans out." He paused as he made a right turn, the phone sandwiched at his shoulder. "Do you still smell yak musk? I feel like it's seared into my nostrils." One-sided conversations with answering machines were not Jack's forte. "Uh, good night." 

He snapped the phone closed, replaying every word he'd said and analyzing how stupid it all sounded. He could plan to ambush a Jaffa patrol on a planet he'd visited once, but he couldn't make a normal phone call to his boyfriend. Well, not to his pissed off boyfriend. He'd try again in the morning; maybe all Daniel needed was a night to cool off.

* * * 

When Jack stepped off the elevator at Level 25, Dave Dixon threw a handful of rice in Jack's face.

"Funny," Jack said, blinking rice grains off his eyelashes and picking them out of his pocket. "I take it you heard about nine-eighty."

"Heard about it?" Dixon rumbled with laughter. "Bosworth and Balinsky reenacted it in the locker room."

It would figure SG-1 couldn't have one weird event go undocumented. "Sounds like SG-13 has some time on their hands." Jack said it casually, though the threat was far from veiled.

Dixon took a step back, the grin retreating from this face. "Ah, we ship out this afternoon. Lots to do beforehand."

"Best to see to it then." Jack waved him off, several grains of rice falling out of his cuff with the movement.

* * * 

At his locker, a white lace strip dangled from the vent. Jack rolled his eyes, tugging out the garter and stuffing it in his pocket. Bosworth and Balinsky were going on his list right with Dixon.

* * * 

Shoved under his door was a stack of travel brochures (which he almost slipped on). Hawaii and the Bahamas were on top, but when Jack drilled through them he found Daniel Destinations (the pyramids and Rome), a train tour through Canada, and a very impressive mocked-up pamphlet for the Land of Light. Jack stuck the last one to his bulletin board but tossed the others in the trash.

* * * 

In his mailbox he found a blue security folder with a sticky note on top. "Something blue?" it asked.

Inside the folder was a plastic-wrapped box of laces (new), a patch from SG-2 (borrowed—and Jack might not return it), and a note that said Jack was already something old. It wasn't signed, but Jack recognized Ferretti's sense of humor.

* * * 

Outside Carter's lab, Dr. Lee scurried up to Jack, a bunch of flowers gripped in his fist. "Colonel, sorry," he said, half-out of breath. "We just received samples from P2X-103. They're all perfectly normal and excellent for throwing."

"For _throwing_?" Jack had to repeat the word, not entirely certain he'd heard him correctly. "Is this a new strategy for defeating the goa'uld? Are we giving them _allergies_?"

"Uh, no, sir." Something in the scientist's face faltered. "But we thought you might need them." He thrust them at Jack. "You and uh, Dr. Jackson." Lee's eyes widened in fear: the moment when he realized he should have tried this joke on Daniel rather than a full bird colonel. 

"Maybe Major Carter would like them." He ducked into the open door and Jack turned on his heel, deciding to catch up with Carter later.

* * * 

Jack waited in the control room, overseeing SG-9's departure. They were off to do the diplomatic thing on a planet SG-6 made contact with over two months ago, so Jack wasn't sure why a MALP was rolling into the 'gate room until he heard and saw the tin cans clanging behind it. "Just 'Gated" was painted in sloppy black letters and taped to the MALP's side panel.

"Funny," Jack said over the intercom. "Funny," he said to Sgt. Harriman who was sitting next to Jack at the dialing controls, fighting the smile from his face.

* * * 

"Sir?" Fraiser knocked on the doorframe and leaned into Jack's office. "Do you have a minute?" The stack of folders and paperwork in front of her told Jack it was something important. It wasn't time for physicals yet, was it? Were there new recruits being vetted?

He waved her in, gesturing to the empty chair in front of his desk. "Sure, Doc, what can I do for you?"

She sat in the chair, clutching the folders even closer to her chest. "It's Cassie. I need you to talk to her."

"Talk to her?" He dropped his pen, giving Fraiser his full focus. If Cassie needed something—needed him—Jack was there.

"Yes. I tried to explain to her about regulations and off-world restrictions, but she just wouldn't listen to me."

Jack sat up, thinking about Hanka and their last trip with Cassie, when she'd been fighting fever and had to convince Nirrti to save her. She was getting ready for college, maybe she was feeling nostalgic and wanted to visit again? He was already mentally scrolling through the departure schedule when Fraiser continued:

"I need you to explain to her why she couldn't be a bridesmaid at your wedding."

All of Jack's concern flattened. "Doc."

"She's really upset, Colonel." She rose with Jack, keeping up the concerned face, though the mischievous glint in her eyes gave her away entirely. "I really think she'd understand if she could hear it from you." She backed away as Jack moved to the door.

"Did you try Daniel?"

The humor left Fraiser's face and she arched an eyebrow. "Do _you_ think I tried this on Daniel?"

Well, that meant someone else had noticed Daniel wasn't exactly in the mood for jokes. He kept his hand on the door, but didn't make any advances to shoo her any farther.

"Have you talked to him?" The concern in her voice surprised him—this wasn't a joke any more.

"Not yet," he said carefully. He and Daniel always suspected Fraiser knew more about their relationship than she could let on officially. "I've been too inundated with jokes about my nuptials." 

"Mm."

It wasn't quite the judging noise she used when Jack promised to take his pain medications, but it wasn't devoid of opinion.

"You think I should reprioritize my day?"

She hugged the folders to her chest again, but there was something more relaxed in her posture, like maybe she'd finally gotten to the real reason she'd dropped in. "I think maybe jokes about your off-world marriage aren't a reason to avoid a marital spat."

"We're not married!" Jack protested.

"Not on Earth." She smiled and then sidestepped out the door.

Okay, Jack thought, technically that was true.

* * * 

Jack caught up to Daniel in the mess. He was sitting alone at a table near one of the walls, paperwork spread in front of him, keeping everyone else away. Those sort of barriers didn't apply to Jack, though, at least they usually didn't.

Jack set down his tray, trying not to cover any of his work, but Daniel had papered nearly the entire tabletop. 

"Hey," he said, trying to skip past the part where he had to ask Daniel about his feelings.

"Hey." Daniel was distracted, but the tension was gone from his voice. Maybe he _had_ just needed some time to cool off. He capped his pen and then looked up at Jack, his expression open for exactly the length of time it took him to register who was settling down across from him. "I haven't finished my report yet."

Jack kept the surprise off his face. Since when did he bug Daniel about his reports? Actually, since when did it take Daniel a full day to write a report?

"I wasn't even going to ask about it," Jack said, trying to get back on friendly terms. 

"Oh. Well, I got your voicemail, too. Thanks for putting in the request for the survey." Daniel apparently wasn't going to make this easy.

Jack leaned forward, scooping a white frosting flower from his slice of cake—that was more festive than the mess staff tended to— "Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

Daniel sat back, surprised and blinking, while Jack turned in his seat and shouted back to the kitchen. "Hilarious. Wedding cake. I get it!" 

"Wedding cake?" Daniel folded his hands, giving Jack the hairy eyeball. His eyebrows arched over his glasses as he waited for a response. 

"Haven't you been showered with wedding jokes today?"

"No," he said, dragging out the sound. "Jack, are you okay?"

"It's been a long day," Jack admitted. He pushed aside the plate of cake. "What happened on nine-eighty. . . ." He had meant it as a question, but his voice trailed at the end.

"You mean about the marriage rite you agreed to participate in? With me? So that by the laws on nine-eighty we're married? Even if that doesn't mean anything here on Earth."

"Um." Jack grimaced, starting to get an inkling of why Daniel was testy. "Yeah, I guess."

Daniel snorted and then sat back in his chair, shuffling together a stack of papers and tucking them away in one of the folders. "You know, Jack," he said, keeping his voice suspiciously casual, "I've been married off-world before."

Thinking of Kynthia, an easy quip of "So have I," almost came out of his mouth before the memory of Sha're hit him like a staff blast and Jack realized exactly why Daniel was—and should have been—pissed at him.

"Daniel," he said, lowering his voice, "I didn't mean that off-world marriages don't matter."

"I know. Sort of." Daniel continued picking up folders, arranging them in the stack. "That—stung."

"Stung. But not why you were—are…?"

"Were," Daniel corrected. "Maybe."

"Right. Okay. Whatever it was, I didn't mean it."

Daniel hunched forward again, his hands halfway across the table to Jack. "Yeah, that's kind of the problem. You not meaning it." He ducked his head, keeping his gaze down. "We've both been married before."

"And we're not now." Jack's eyes flicked to the nearest tables, still empty, and a loud card game was taking most of the focus for people watchers.

"And we can't be. On Earth."

Jack filled in the blanks of what Daniel wasn't saying. "I didn't realize that was something you wanted."

"I wasn't filling a hope chest, but when J'ain mentioned it on P4R-980? Yeah, I realized I would say yes, if that was an option."

Huh. Jack hadn't thought about marriage since he'd started dating Daniel. It wasn't in the cards for them, especially not while Jack was in the military. And, like Daniel said, they'd both been married before and he didn't think either one of them needed that sort of symbol when they died for each other about once a year. What was more committed than that?

"If that's not where you are, I guess, better to know."

"No." Jack reached out and covered Daniel's hand before he remembered where they were. He quickly moved his hand next to Daniel's instead, but he could still feel Daniel's heat. "I mean, I just hadn't thought about it. Not like that anyway."

"So." Daniel leaned closer, their hands brushing together. "You would say yes if it was an option?" 

Despite the tingle he felt just from the brush of Daniel's hand, Jack wasn't sure. "I haven't thought about it _as_ an option."

"Okay." Daniel sat back in his chair. "It's an option. At least on nine-eighty. Think about it."

Jack felt like he was entering a minefield, but he knew better than to half-ass his answer. He took a second, distilling his feelings for Daniel and how they weighed against the notion of forever. "I guess, if all of the obstacles go away, I know where I want to be." He met Daniel's gaze, hoping he didn't need to say anything more definitive while they were still on base.

Daniel pressed his lips together, making Jack wish he could have ended his statement with a kiss. "So, off-world marriages could mean something on Earth?"

Jack laughed, feeling the tension break. "I'm not about to start filling out my paperwork 'Jack Jackson.'"

"You're expecting me to change _my_ name?" Daniel's smile caught at Jack's heartstrings and the stray thought that they were _actually_ married floated through Jack's head.

"How about no name changes, no change of address forms, no changes in general, except now: we know."

"We know," Daniel repeated, a softness in his voice.

Jack pushed the cake between them. "You want to split this?"

Daniel turned the plate so the edges with more frosting were facing him. "You know, there are other planets we've visited that acknowledge same-sex marriages."

Jack stabbed a bite, stealing some of the icing from Daniel's side. "You getting an idea there?"

Daniel shrugged, but he smiled around his bite of cake, and Jack thought he saw a few more accidental marriage ceremonies in his future.


End file.
